well, well, well, i havent wrote in awhile now. i think its time i start again....
well anyways, there are a few new things. life is being a total bitch right now. well, i like this guy in my pe class and he is the most beautiful creature i have ever seen. wow, i just wish he could be now.
i feel inspried to right all the sudden.
i have to go
XD
Friday, March 7, 2008
Saturday, February 23, 2008
You think you know somebody...
Well today was one of my bad days. And i havent bloghed in awhile so i thought i should start again. I guees you can say it releives some of my stress, anyways here i go....
Fucking bitch, i swear. and im surprises becuase i have never called her this berfore and really meant it. well now i mean it. i am so pissed at her. i do not want to talk to her again for the rest of the weekend. if she tries i will not respond. we had made plans now for about two weeks and she decides to break them. i cant beleive her. we made plans to have so much fun. and now she thinks she can have a rain check. fuck no, i am not going to give her another day for our plans. i have a good mind not to talk to her on our return to school either. she decides to break our day for some idiot as "freind" of hers. i cant beleve her. he talks so much shit about me. i fucking hate him with a passion. she is really lucky i keep my mouth shut about it. fucking bitch. i hate her so much right. my day sucked so bad. it was intwinded with boredom and depression. ugh, i am so pissed off. my weekends always suck. somebody put must not want me to enjoy me life. because i have so many problems.
she looks so much happier with her new friend anyways. well i guess they can have eachother now because all of her problems seem to come from me anyways. i have a much better friend anyways. someone i can really be myself around her. i am so pissed off.
Fucking bitch, i swear. and im surprises becuase i have never called her this berfore and really meant it. well now i mean it. i am so pissed at her. i do not want to talk to her again for the rest of the weekend. if she tries i will not respond. we had made plans now for about two weeks and she decides to break them. i cant beleive her. we made plans to have so much fun. and now she thinks she can have a rain check. fuck no, i am not going to give her another day for our plans. i have a good mind not to talk to her on our return to school either. she decides to break our day for some idiot as "freind" of hers. i cant beleve her. he talks so much shit about me. i fucking hate him with a passion. she is really lucky i keep my mouth shut about it. fucking bitch. i hate her so much right. my day sucked so bad. it was intwinded with boredom and depression. ugh, i am so pissed off. my weekends always suck. somebody put must not want me to enjoy me life. because i have so many problems.
she looks so much happier with her new friend anyways. well i guess they can have eachother now because all of her problems seem to come from me anyways. i have a much better friend anyways. someone i can really be myself around her. i am so pissed off.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Hold your nose and swallow it all
Pleasent day today. Can't complain. I can't really complain. Only one thing went wrong today. But, I won't let it bug me.
I came to school and my friends just made my day perfect.
Thats all I need to write today.
=]
I came to school and my friends just made my day perfect.
Thats all I need to write today.
=]
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Another day
Well I have to say, today was a lot better than yesterday, I have to admit. I enjoyed myself today.
Right now I'm listening to this guy covering Regina Spektor songs. He is actually really good. Really. I envy people like him. Has a beautiful voice and he can play the piano. I really want to play the piano. But yes, when I get a job I will buy a keyboard and learn how to read sheet music and learn how to play the piano! I'm so excited I cannot wait. But, unforunetly becuase of time we have to live life second by second and I have to wait till the summer. Thats a lot of seconds.
Well anyways back to my day. I worked out again today. I'm happy I'm getting back into my routine. And I'm getting back into shape. Wow, Regina Spektor does have a beautiful voice. I think I'm going to buy another one of her CD's.
Well the 1930's movie is getting kind of better. It does make a good point. There is no reason for war. Who starts these wars anyways? The "leaders" of the countries. We should just put them in a ring and let them fight there own problems. But, an even better idea. Let them talk it out. Let them see there is no reason for quarells. People do need to get that into their heads. Just put aside their differences and get ALONG. We should just put these huge speakers up and play imagine by john lennon. And let everybody hear those lyrics for themselves. We need to have peace. In fact I am listening to the song right now.
Well second period, I got my brain to work and I wrote almost two paragraphs. I feel really creative. I am starting to think writing is my calling. But I'm not completly sure though. I'm starting to have doubts about doing the play for school. But, I know I should. It has a good meaning behind the whole play.
Third period was good, I got my grade and I have a B. Im happy becuase I will not be in algebra anymore. I will be in Geometry. But it is likely that I will have my same teacher again. But, Im okay with that. She is a nice lady. But, I do need to get my ass in gear and finish my packet for the class. That is part of my grade a lot. I do have to retake a test too. I NEED to study. Speaking of studying, chemistry is reallly hard. I do not understand. It's my fault anyways. I do not pay attention. We got a test today and I did not know what to do at all. I was just staring at the words. I did not understand. I felt dumb. I will pay attention from now on. No butts.
The rest of the day went well. And here I am. I need someone. Its not fun being alone. But, I will not dwell on that right now.
All i can do is begin to hope...
Right now I'm listening to this guy covering Regina Spektor songs. He is actually really good. Really. I envy people like him. Has a beautiful voice and he can play the piano. I really want to play the piano. But yes, when I get a job I will buy a keyboard and learn how to read sheet music and learn how to play the piano! I'm so excited I cannot wait. But, unforunetly becuase of time we have to live life second by second and I have to wait till the summer. Thats a lot of seconds.
Well anyways back to my day. I worked out again today. I'm happy I'm getting back into my routine. And I'm getting back into shape. Wow, Regina Spektor does have a beautiful voice. I think I'm going to buy another one of her CD's.
Well the 1930's movie is getting kind of better. It does make a good point. There is no reason for war. Who starts these wars anyways? The "leaders" of the countries. We should just put them in a ring and let them fight there own problems. But, an even better idea. Let them talk it out. Let them see there is no reason for quarells. People do need to get that into their heads. Just put aside their differences and get ALONG. We should just put these huge speakers up and play imagine by john lennon. And let everybody hear those lyrics for themselves. We need to have peace. In fact I am listening to the song right now.
Well second period, I got my brain to work and I wrote almost two paragraphs. I feel really creative. I am starting to think writing is my calling. But I'm not completly sure though. I'm starting to have doubts about doing the play for school. But, I know I should. It has a good meaning behind the whole play.
Third period was good, I got my grade and I have a B. Im happy becuase I will not be in algebra anymore. I will be in Geometry. But it is likely that I will have my same teacher again. But, Im okay with that. She is a nice lady. But, I do need to get my ass in gear and finish my packet for the class. That is part of my grade a lot. I do have to retake a test too. I NEED to study. Speaking of studying, chemistry is reallly hard. I do not understand. It's my fault anyways. I do not pay attention. We got a test today and I did not know what to do at all. I was just staring at the words. I did not understand. I felt dumb. I will pay attention from now on. No butts.
The rest of the day went well. And here I am. I need someone. Its not fun being alone. But, I will not dwell on that right now.
All i can do is begin to hope...
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Today wasn't that pleasant...
Well lets start off how I barely figured out how to post my blogs. That was good to find out and I feel kinda smart. Ha ha just kidding.
Okay now today was ok I came to school around 7;35 today becuase I know my best friend won't even be their in the moring anymore to hang out in the morning. So i decided to just not go to school early anymore. Well I went with friends that can make me laugh no matter what, and I will explain that later in this blog.
First Period
First period was ok, becuase my history teacher decided to make the essay due in Feburary. So, that is good becuase I had trouble just strarting it. My teacher is kinds dumb anyways becuase he asigns us an essay and doesn't even start teaching us the subject to the week it is due. But, this time thank goodness, he made it due in feburary. And, he put on some movie made in the 1930's. It's ok. I thought all movies made in black & white were dumb. But, watching this movie he put on, it wasn't really bad. I have to admit I was wrong about pre-judging old movies.
Second Period
Well, to tell you the truth, it was not like yesterday becuase I had no desire to work at all. I just sat there and listened to my ipod. Kinda boring actually.
Third Period
Third perios was pretty good becuase I'm with my good friends in there. I was helping my firend to pick guests to come to her party. But, she wants more guys to come. She asked me which guys, and I couldn't help with that. I have no guy friends really. It's kinda sad. Probably becuase no straight man really wants to be friends with a gay guy. Well we got a test, and I was nervous. But, I got it done easily and that made me happy. It was everything I knew. I had to help my friend with half of the test. But, it was ok, I didn't mind. The people in my class are really immature. They do not know how to act. It pisses me off. They are so noisy, I cannot concretrate. They bother the teacher so much, it makes me angry. Bcause, she comes to school to do her job; to teach. And then these immature sophmores come along and act like little pricks. They NEED to grow up.
Nutrition
It was pleasent. Can't complain. Oh yes, I can. I learned that one of my best friend's neighbor doesn't like me becuase I'm gay. What a surprise. Just when you think mankind learned to be more compasionate and mature. Well, to tell you the truth I don't like him either. Since the day I met him. Because, I'm the jealous type and I don't like guys being around my best friend. Kinda weird because I know I'm gay. But, yet I have these strong emotions for her. Kinda weird. I'm not sexually acctracted to girls. But emotions? Something for me to think about. And my friend is bisexual, so I told her "Does he know about you?" She decided that she would tell him. What a surprise it would be for him maybe. I'll see if he has enough balls to be more open-minded.
Fourth Period
Aww, chemistry. The only subject I'm failing. I don't even need to learn about chemistry. But, it's required so, I can't do anything about it. It was ok I got to listen to my ipod while I copied almost everything the teacher wrote on the board. I did learn a few things today in chemistry though, so I guess writing everything down did some good.
Fifth Period
It was cold. But, not too bad becuase I brought my jacket. Butm we did half of our P.E. final today. It went smooth and had some funny times as well in that 35 mintutes.
Lunch
Was good. I didn't eat though. I hadn't lunch at school in awhile. But, we went to my friend's classroom. The boy I think is cute was there, so it was good. But, he is a freshman I think... i'm not sure. And I did hear he was gay but, just in the closet. I think they were just playing with me though. But, hey, I can dream.
Sixth Period
The worst period of today. Well it was going well the first 20 minutes. Till the guy that sits next to me kept calling his friend gay and that he was homo. My teacher asked is he was homophobic. The hypocrite said no and continued to call his pal gay. My teacher said it wasn't good to be homophobic. And I was glad my teacher said that. And the gay name calling continued for maybe five more minutes. And the guy had the nerve to say it was wrong to be gay. That got me really angry. and emotional... Well, it continued and I finally got mad and asked my techer if I could move my seat. My teacher assumed it was becuase of the distraction that the guy was causing so he said I could. I sat behind a friend of mine and I just began crying. Because, of the anger and sadness the guy put on me. My friend made me feel a lot better. I'm pretty sure now that the guy that sits next me knows Im gay now becuase he kept turning back and I think he saw me crying. But, it was silent crying so only my friend knew I was crying. Well, after class I asked my teacher if I could move my seat permanetly, like any other teacher he asked why. I said, "Becuase they are homophobic and I am homosexual." My very kind hearted teacher understood imediatetly and asked me if I wished for him to have a talk with the homophobic guy but, he would keep me confidental. I said he doesn't have to and now I am happy because I do not have to sit there anymore.
Well afterschool I started working out again becuase I have not done it awhile. So my goal is to get back into shape.
Well that is all for today. I will continue tomorrow with, tomorrows story.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I think I should start writing
Well this is my first blog and I am writing small becuase I do not want my family to read what I am writing. I chose to start blogging becuase I feel I need to have a way to express my feelings and I know it will be good for me.
Well lets start off with friday. It was a sort of pleasent day, I can't really complain. But, I know my best friend and I have been drifting. And I know that she knows that we have as well. The reasons are a little unclear right now but, I think I have a good idea why. Well I did tell her I would walk with her afterschool, becuase we do walk in the same direction to get home. Well, during lunch time I always go with my other best friend and she invited me to go to her house afterschool. Well I agreed becuase I did get close again with my friend and I always knew going to her house is always fun. Well afterschool I had to tell my friend that I could't walk with her afterschoolbecause I was going to my friends house, and I could tell she was disapointed right when I told her. Instantly I regreted telling her that. And I knew she was a little mad at me as well and wanted to get away, and I wanted to make things up to her so I told her we should hang out during our weekend and do something fun. Well when I got to my friend's house we watched movies and it was nice. Because, I got to have some alone time with my friend that we hardly ever get. We bonded nicley that day, and it felt good. We sat next to eachother and even leaned on eachother while we sang along to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was really nice and I do wish that I could go back in time just to have that moment back. I know I can always be myself when I'm with her. We have so many things in common, I don't have to worry about telling her anything becuase I know she will understand. Well during the weekend I never really got a chance to call my other friend to make plans for the weekend. All I did at home was just work on homework and read. But, I did go to the movies with my mom and my sister. That was nice becuase I do like to spend time with my mom as well. But, when we go to the store, which was like every other day, I do love to go the keyboards and just experiment with them. I've always wanted to learn the piano and I still want to learn. When I get a job in the summer I do intend to save my money and buy a keyboard.
Well when we got back to school today, things went quite well before nutriton. We had a test in english test and I didn't even complain about that either. I actually concentrated on it and didn't let anything distract me. Not even my "complain about everything neighbors" that sit in front of me. I read each article carefully and even went back to answer the questions. Well when nutrition came along and I went to go hang out with my best friend she wasn't there yet. And my other friends that hang out with my best friend were already warning me about how she was already acting weird and how about they overheard she was acting that way because of a boy. Well I soon figured out that boy was me when she came. She wasn't acting at all like normal. So I decided to just leave and go with my other friends.
As I was walking over to where my other friends were I remebered what my friend said about my best friend. "If she is angry she shouldn't take it out on everybody and just say why she is acting like that." That made perfect sense to me. She shouldn't act like that. Its not good to bottle everything up. Well, I left and then later on during lunch time I went to my club meeting. Which is Gay & straight alliance. I love that club becuase I'm around my own kind; the people that can relate to me.
Well I have boy problems too. I do feel lonely, I haven't had any boy attention in a long time. I need it. I need to have someone like me the way I like them. Well I do like someone. Let's just call him G. Well I have been thinking about G all weekend and I know he's bisexual. So i guess that means I kinda have a chance with him. It's a lot better than having a crush on a straight guy. Well he does talk to one of my best friends and I hope she can introduce us one of these days. I hope I can talk to him one of these days. He's really cute.
Well that was nice writing for half an hour. I'll probably write tomorrow again.
Well lets start off with friday. It was a sort of pleasent day, I can't really complain. But, I know my best friend and I have been drifting. And I know that she knows that we have as well. The reasons are a little unclear right now but, I think I have a good idea why. Well I did tell her I would walk with her afterschool, becuase we do walk in the same direction to get home. Well, during lunch time I always go with my other best friend and she invited me to go to her house afterschool. Well I agreed becuase I did get close again with my friend and I always knew going to her house is always fun. Well afterschool I had to tell my friend that I could't walk with her afterschoolbecause I was going to my friends house, and I could tell she was disapointed right when I told her. Instantly I regreted telling her that. And I knew she was a little mad at me as well and wanted to get away, and I wanted to make things up to her so I told her we should hang out during our weekend and do something fun. Well when I got to my friend's house we watched movies and it was nice. Because, I got to have some alone time with my friend that we hardly ever get. We bonded nicley that day, and it felt good. We sat next to eachother and even leaned on eachother while we sang along to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was really nice and I do wish that I could go back in time just to have that moment back. I know I can always be myself when I'm with her. We have so many things in common, I don't have to worry about telling her anything becuase I know she will understand. Well during the weekend I never really got a chance to call my other friend to make plans for the weekend. All I did at home was just work on homework and read. But, I did go to the movies with my mom and my sister. That was nice becuase I do like to spend time with my mom as well. But, when we go to the store, which was like every other day, I do love to go the keyboards and just experiment with them. I've always wanted to learn the piano and I still want to learn. When I get a job in the summer I do intend to save my money and buy a keyboard.
Well when we got back to school today, things went quite well before nutriton. We had a test in english test and I didn't even complain about that either. I actually concentrated on it and didn't let anything distract me. Not even my "complain about everything neighbors" that sit in front of me. I read each article carefully and even went back to answer the questions. Well when nutrition came along and I went to go hang out with my best friend she wasn't there yet. And my other friends that hang out with my best friend were already warning me about how she was already acting weird and how about they overheard she was acting that way because of a boy. Well I soon figured out that boy was me when she came. She wasn't acting at all like normal. So I decided to just leave and go with my other friends.
As I was walking over to where my other friends were I remebered what my friend said about my best friend. "If she is angry she shouldn't take it out on everybody and just say why she is acting like that." That made perfect sense to me. She shouldn't act like that. Its not good to bottle everything up. Well, I left and then later on during lunch time I went to my club meeting. Which is Gay & straight alliance. I love that club becuase I'm around my own kind; the people that can relate to me.
Well I have boy problems too. I do feel lonely, I haven't had any boy attention in a long time. I need it. I need to have someone like me the way I like them. Well I do like someone. Let's just call him G. Well I have been thinking about G all weekend and I know he's bisexual. So i guess that means I kinda have a chance with him. It's a lot better than having a crush on a straight guy. Well he does talk to one of my best friends and I hope she can introduce us one of these days. I hope I can talk to him one of these days. He's really cute.
Well that was nice writing for half an hour. I'll probably write tomorrow again.
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